Best Divorce Letter Ever
>
> Dear Wife:
> I'm writing you this letter to tell you that I'm leaving you
> forever. I've been a good man to you for seven years and I have
> nothing to
> show for it. These last two weeks have been hell. Your boss called to
> tell me that you quit your job today and that was the last straw. Last
> week, you came home and didn't even notice that I had a new haircut, had
> cooked your favorite meal and even wore a brand new pair of silk boxers.
> You ate in two minutes, and went straight to sleep after watching all of
> your soaps. You don't tell me you love me anymore; you don't want
> sex or anything that connects us as husband and wife. Either you're
> cheating on me or you don't love me anymore; whatever the case, I'm gone.
>
> Signed,
> Your EX-Husband
>
> P.S. don't try to find me. Your SISTER and I are moving away to West
> Virginia together! Have a great life!
>
>
> Dear Ex-Husband:
> Nothing has made my day more than receiving your letter. It's
> true that you and I have been married for seven years, although a good
> man is a far cry from what you've been. I watch my soaps so much
> because they drown out your constant whining and griping. Too bad that
> doesn't
> work. I DID notice when you got a hair cut last week, but the first
> thing that came to mind was 'You look just like a girl!' Since my mother
> raised me not to say anything if you can't say something nice, I didn't
> comment. And when you cooked my favorite meal, you must have gotten me
> confused with MY SISTER, because I stopped eating pork seven years
> ago. About those new silk boxers: I turned away from you because the
> $49.99 price tag was still on them, and I prayed that it was just a
> coincidence that my sister had just borrowed fifty dollars from me
> that morning. After all of this, I still loved you and felt that we
> could work it out.
> So when I hit the lotto for ten million dollars, I quit my job and
> bought us two tickets to Jamaica . But when I got home you were
> gone.
> Everything happens for a reason, I guess. I hope you have the
> fulfilling life you always wanted. My lawyer said that the letter you
> wrote
> ensures you won't get a dime from me. So take care.
>
> Signed,
> Your Ex-Wife, Rich As Hell and Free!
> P.S. I don't know if I ever told you this, but my sister Carla
> was born Carl. I hope that's not a problem.
>