Funny Money

Mathematical Riddle

bgbrown — Wed, 18 Nov 2009 19:53:57 GMT

3 men are travelling across country, and stop in a cheap hotel for the night. They each have $10, and the cost of the hotel is $30 (whew, just enough!) After the three men pay, they go to their room for the night. The guy at the desk thinks to himself, "boy, they have a long way to go and I just took their last few dollars". With a big heart, he tells the bell boy to go return $5 to the three traveling men. As the bell boy is walking to their room with the $5, he thinks to himself, "there's three of them and they can't split 5 dollars evenly, I'll keep $2 of it and say we're returning $3 to them". Which is exactly what he does. So, the three men have paid $10, and were each returned $1 (10-1 = 9), meaning they paid a total of $27 for the night (9 X 3=27). Yet the bell boy only kept $2, and 27 + 2 equals $29. Where did the last dollar go?

Fun math riddle, hope you enjoy it, there is a real answer and at first glance this is kind of weird to think about I suppose.

Hope you like it.

Blonde jokes!

NightTrading101 — Fri, 06 Nov 2009 03:31:57 GMT

A Blond: was driving down the highway to Disneyland when she saw a sign that said 'DISNEYLAND LEFT'.
After thinking for a minute she said to herself 'oh well!' and turned around and returned home.

hey it's the late night crew

corky — Thu, 31 Jan 2008 07:09:06 GMT

barb , bishop and corky . we are always on after midnight.

I cannot NOT share this...I've got to do this!

nanakeser — Sat, 21 Nov 2009 00:01:13 GMT

http://www.gamaniak.com/embed.swf?file=http://media.gamaniak.com/vid/descente-cote-buggy-rollin.mp4&image=http://www.gamaniak.com/pics/3625.jpg&showdigits=true&controlbar=over&link=http://www.gamaniak.com/video-3625-descente-cote-buggyrollin.html&displayc

math humor!

Klara — Wed, 18 Nov 2009 17:07:27 GMT

Two mathematicians are watching a building. They watch as two people come out, and three people walk in. Four people come out, and two walk in. One mathematician turns to the other and says, "If one more person enters the building, it will be empty."

How smart are YOU? Let's find out...

aldentevontino — Fri, 14 Aug 2009 00:47:14 GMT

I will give you a riddle, and you will solve it.

Simple, yes? Let's find out!

I was born in 1866 and died in 1943.

I was born into wealth and my parents kept me seperated from other children much of the time, which was ok because I had loads of pets.

My parents discouraged my intellectual development as a young woman, but my study and watercolors led to me being widely respected in the field of fungus.

I wrote many notable works, some of which I am sure you have read, or had read to you as a child. In total I have published a total of twenty-three books.

Who am I?

Management Course...

nanakeser — Sat, 24 Oct 2009 18:41:34 GMT

Management Course

A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower, when the doorbell rings. The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next-door neighbor. Before she says a word, Bob says, "I'll give you $800 to drop that towel." After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob, after a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 and leaves.

The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs. When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks, "Who was that?" "It was Bob the next door neighbor." she replies. "Great," the husband says, "did he say anything about the $800 he owes me????"

Moral of the story: If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with your shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure.

Sign in Atlanta bar...

Klara — Wed, 18 Nov 2009 17:22:49 GMT

GRAPHIC PHOTO! How Babies are Delivered.

Dr Zira — Mon, 16 Nov 2009 14:40:19 GMT

This is a really helpful photo for any of you who have kids, grandkids, nieces, nephews, godchildren actually, for anyone who spends even a little time with young children.

Eventually, you'll have to face the "where do babies come from?" issue, and this picture is definitely worth a thousand words.

But prepare yourself -- it's pretty explicit!

You might want to look at it privately before sharing it with the children in your life.

More Johnny humour

Klara — Tue, 17 Nov 2009 22:32:34 GMT

A teacher asked her 6th grade class how many of them were Obama fans.

Not really knowing what an Obama fan is, but wanting to be liked by the teacher, all the kids raised their hands except for Johnny in the front row.

The teacher asked Johnny why he has decided to be different.

Because I'm not an Obama fan.'

The teacher asked, 'Why aren't you an Obama fan?'

Because I'm a Republican.'

The teacher asked him why he's a Republican.

Johnny proudly answered, 'Well, my Mom's a Republican and my Dad's a Republican, so I'm a Republican.'

Annoyed by this answer, the teacher asked, 'If your mom was a moron and your dad was an idiot, what would that make you?'

With a big smile, Johnny replied, 'That would make me an Obama fan!'

Note... prior to death!

nanakeser — Sun, 15 Nov 2009 16:28:39 GMT

Be sure and cancel your credit cards before you die!
This is so priceless and so easy to see happening - customer service, being what it is today!
A lady died this past January, and ANZ bank billed her for February and March for their annual service charges on her credit card, and Then added late fees
and interest on the monthly charge The balance had been $0.00, now is somewhere around $60.00.
A family member placed a call to the ANZ Bank:

Family Member:
'I am calling to tell you that she died in January.'
ANZ:
'The account was never closed and the late fees and charges still apply.'
Family Member:
'Maybe, you should turn it over to collections.'
ANZ:
'Since it is two months past due, it already has been.'
Family Member:
'So, what will they do when they find out she is dead?'
ANZ:
'Either report her account to the frauds division or report her to the credit bureau, maybe both!'
Family Member:
'Do you think God will be mad at her?'
ANZ:
'Excuse me?'
Family Member:
'Did you just get what I was telling you . . . The part about her being dead?'
ANZ:
'Sir, you'll have to speak to my supervisor.'
Supervisor gets on the phone:
Family Member:
'I'm calling to tell you, she died in January.'
ANZ:
'The account was never closed and the late fees and charges still apply.'
Family Member:
'You mean you want to collect from her estate?'
ANZ:
(Stammer) 'Are you her lawyer?'
Family Member:
'No, I'm her great nephew..' (Lawyer info given)
ANZ:
'Could you fax us a certificate of death?'
Family Member:
'Sure.'
( fax number is given)
After they get the fax:
ANZ:
'Our system just isn't set up for death. I don't know what more I can do to help.'
Family Member:
'Well, if you figure it out, great! If not, you could just keep billing Her. I don't think she will care.'
ANZ:
'Well, the late fees and charges do still apply.'
Family Member:
'Would you like her new billing address?'
ANZ:
'That might help.'
Family Member:
' Rookwood Memorial Cemetery , 1249 Centenary Rd, Sydney Plot Number 1049.'
ANZ: 'Sir, that's a cemetery!'
Family Member:
'Well, what the F**K do you do with dead people on your planet?'

Man of the house

Klara — Wed, 18 Nov 2009 16:45:05 GMT

The husband had just finished reading a new book entitled, "You Can Be the Man Of Your House."

He stormed to his wife in the kitchen and announced, "From now on, you need to know that I am the man of this house and my word is Law. You will prepare me a gourmet meal tonight, and when I'm finished eating my meal, you will serve me a sumptuous dessert. After dinner, you are going to go upstairs with me and we will have the kind of sex that I want. Afterwards, you are going to draw me a bath so I can relax. You will wash my back and towel me dry and bring me my robe. Then, you will massage my feet and hands. Then tomorrow, guess who's going to dress me and comb my hair?"

The wife replied, "The freakin' funeral director would be my first guess."

Dear Talented WSS posters and members of WSS,

aldentevontino — Sat, 31 Oct 2009 03:28:44 GMT

A Poetry Challenge:

How good are you at making up rhymes?

Just post one here, should you have the time.

I hope you can also keep in mind a few things,

They're called 'Rules', so listen to me sing:

First of all, the poetry must be your own.

No copy and pasting from someone else's throne.

It must make sense, and be propper in grammer,

From realistic issues all the way to Thor's Hammer.

Now also you should keep well aware,

Your poem should be clean, so don't swear!

A rhyme is also been known to activate,

A great way for us to communicate!

At the end of this poem you shall find the start of this show,

Just come up with an answer, and let your self go!

We all have the tallent to talk to one another,

Don't let your's just sit there and silently smother!

So Make your post rhyme, but reply to the previous.

Nothing bad or grotesque, or even mischievous,

Oh, and don't forget your post must also be good

For the next poster to reply, if they would.

It don't have to be long, don't have to be fancy,

Don't have to be frilly, it don't have to be lacy.

Just spread your tallent here and let's communicate,

Oh, and please don't rhyme as a way to retaliate!

Now there, next poster, the questions I pose unto you,

"What is your name here, and how do you do?"

"Does your portfolio blast off into space?"

"Or does it dig deep into the lower place?"

Food For Thought

aldentevontino — Thu, 30 Jul 2009 00:06:38 GMT

(I looked for the original thread, but apparently it's vanished! So here is a new one!)

Not only are bad pennies always returning, but so do good friends!

IMMUTABLE LAWS

Klara — Wed, 18 Nov 2009 17:16:26 GMT

When one wishes to unlock a door but has has only one hand free, the keys are in the opposite pocket. (Von Fumbles Law)

A door will snap shut only when you have left the keys inside. (Yale Law of Destiny)

When one's hands are covered with oil, grease, or glue, your nose will start to itch. (Law of Ichiban)

Your insurance will cover everything but what has happened. (Insurance So Sorry Law)

When things seem to be going well, you've probably forgotten to do something. (Cheney's Second Corollary)

When things seem easy to do, it's because you haven't followed all the instructions. (Destiny Awaits Law)

If you keep your cool when everyone else is losing his, it's probably because you have not realized the seriousness of the problem. (Law of Gravitas)

Most problems are not created or solved; they only change appearances. (Einstein's Law of Persistence)

You will run to answer the telephone just as the party hangs up on you. (Principle of Dingaling)

If there are only two programs on TV that are worth your time, they will always be at the same time. (Law of Wasteland)

The cost is always higher than one budgets for, and it is exactly 3.14 times higher, hence the importance of pi. (Law of Pi Eyed)

The probability that one will spill food on one's clothes is directly proportional to the need to be clean. (Law of Campbell Scoop)

Each and every body submerged in a bathtub will cause the phone to ring. (Law of Yes Now)

Each and every body sitting on a commode will cause the doorbell to ring. (Law of Ding Dong)

Wind velocity will increase proportionally to the cost of one's hairdo. (The Don King Principle)

After discarding something not used for years, you will need it one week later. (Law of Fatal Irreversibility)

Arriving early for an appointment will cause the receptionist to be absent, and if one arrives late, everyone else has arrived before you. Law of Delay)

Do not take life too seriously, because in the end, you won't come out alive anyway. (Theory of Absolute Certainty)

Hot Stock

Seti03 — Wed, 18 Nov 2009 13:06:53 GMT

Just caught this headline somewhere else. Vivus Drug For Erectile Dysfunction Meets Goals; Shares Up

"I guess it does work...."

Windows Lite - Put it in your computer today.

Dr Zira — Mon, 16 Nov 2009 16:15:34 GMT

OK. I THINK I GET IT.

nanakeser — Tue, 17 Nov 2009 16:09:22 GMT

OK. I THINK I GET IT…………….Let me see if I understand all this....

IF YOU CROSS THE NORTH KOREAN BORDER ILLEGALLY YOU GET 12 YEARS HARD LABOR.

IF YOU CROSS THE IRANIAN BORDER ILLEGALLY, YOU ARE DETAINED INDEFINITELY.

IF YOU CROSS THE AFGHAN BORDER, YOU GET SHOT.

IF YOU CROSS THE TURKEY BORDER ILLEGALLY, YOU SPEND THE REST OF YOUR LIFE IN PRISON!

BUT, IF YOU CROSS THE U.S. BORDER ILLEGALLY YOU GET:

1. A DRIVERS LICENSE

2. A SOCIAL SECURITY CARD

3. WELFARE

4. FOOD STAMPS

5. AND, FREE HEALTH CARE?

Trojan Horse

Klara — Tue, 17 Nov 2009 22:36:56 GMT

If only they'd had anti-malware in the old, old days:

Poem to MOM .....and her reply!

nanakeser — Tue, 20 Oct 2009 17:42:51 GMT

My daughter came home from school one day,
With a smirk upon her face.
she decided she was smart enough,
To put me in my place.

'Guess what I learned in Civics Two,
that's taught by Mr. Wright?
It's all about the laws today,
The 'Children's Bill of Rights.'

It says I need not clean my room,
Don't have to cut my hair
No one can tell me what to think,
Or speak, or what to wear..

I have freedom from religion,
And regardless what you say,
I don't have to bow my head,
And I sure don't have to pray.

I can wear earrings if I want,
And pierce my tongue & nose.
I can read & watch just what I like,
Get tattoos from head to toes.

And if you ever spank me,
I'll charge you with a crime.
I'll back up all my charges,
With the marks on my behind.

Don't you ever touch me,
My body's only for my use,
Not for your hugs and kisses,
that's just more child abuse.

Don't preach about your morals,
Like your Mama did to you.
That's nothing more than mind control,
And it's illegal too!

Mom, I have these children's rights,
So you can't influence me,
Or I'll call Children's Services Division,
Better known as C.S.D.'

Mom's Reply and Thoughts

Of course my first instinct was
To toss her out the door.
But the chance to teach her a lesson
Made me think a little more.

I mulled it over carefully,
I couldn't let this go.
A smile crept upon my face,
she's messing with a pro.

Next day I took her shopping
At the local Goodwill Store.
I told her, 'Pick out all you want,
there's shirts & pants galore.

I've called and checked with C.S.D ...
Who said they didn't care
If I bought you K-Mart shoes
Instead of those Nike Airs.

I've canceled that appointment
To take your driver's test.
The C.S.D. Is unconcerned
So I'll decide what's best. '

I said 'No time to stop and eat,
Or pick up stuff to munch.
And tomorrow you can start to learn
To make your own sack lunch.

Just save the raging appetite,
And wait till dinner time.
We're having liver and onions,
A favorite dish of mine.'

she asked 'Can I please rent a movie,
To watch on my VCR?'
'Sorry, but I sold your TV,
For new tires on my car.

I also rented out your room,
You'll take the couch instead.
The C .S.D. Requires
Just a roof over your head.

Your clothing won't be trendy now,
I'll choose what we eat..
That allowance that you used to get,
Will buy me something neat.

I'm selling off your jet ski,
Dirt-bike & roller blades.
Check out the 'Parents Bill of Rights',
It's in effect today!

Hey hot shot, are you crying,
Why are you on your knees?
Are you asking God to help you out,
Instead of C.S.D..?'

MOM (Mean Old Mother)

State Mottos

Jewdakris — Fri, 06 Nov 2009 17:01:23 GMT

State Mottos

Alabama: Hell Yes, We Have Electricity

Alaska: 11,623 Eskimos Can't Be Wrong!

Arizona: But It's A Dry Heat

Arkansas: Literacy Ain't Everything

California: By 30, Our Women Have More Plastic Than Your Honda

Colorado: If You Don't Ski, Don't Bother

Connecticut: Like Massachusetts, Only The Kennedy's Don't Own It-Yet

Delaware: We Really Do Like The Chemicals In Our Water

Florida: Ask Us About Our Grandkids

Georgia: We Put The "Fun" In Fundamentalist Extremism

Hawaii: Haka Tiki Mou Sha'ami Leeki Toru (Death To Mainland Scum, But Leave
Your Money)

Idaho: More Than Just Potatoes...Well Okay, We're Not, But The Potatoes Sure
Are Real Good

Illinois: Please Don't Pronounce the "S"

Indiana: 2 Billion Years Tidal Wave Free

Iowa: We Do Amazing Things With Corn

Kansas: First Of The Rectangle States

Kentucky: Five Million People; Fifteen Last Names

Louisiana: We're Not ALL Drunk Cajun Wackos, But That's Our Tourism Campaign

Maine: We're Really Cold, But We Have Cheap Lobster

Maryland: If You Can Dream It, We Can Tax It

Massachusetts: Our Taxes Are Lower Than Sweden's (For Most Tax Brackets)

Michigan: First Line Of Defense From The Canadians

Minnesota: 10,000 Lakes... And 10,000,000,000,000 Mosquitoes

Mississippi: Come And Feel Better About Your Own State

Missouri: Your Federal Flood Relief Tax Dollars At Work

Montana: Land Of The Big Sky, The Unabomber, Right-Wing Crazies, And Very
Little Else

Nebraska: Ask About Our State Motto Contest

Nevada: Hookers and Poker!

New Hampshire: Go Away And Leave Us Alone

New Jersey: You Want A ##$%##! Motto? I Got Yer ##$%##! Motto Right Here!

New Mexico: Lizards Make Excellent pets

New York: You Have The Right To Remain Silent, You Have The Right To An
Attorney....

North Carolina: Tobacco Is A Vegetable

North Dakota: We Really Are One Of The 50 States!

Ohio: At Least We're Not Michigan

Oklahoma: Like The Play, Only No Singing

Oregon: Spotted Owl... It's What's For Dinner

Pennsylvania: Cook With Coal

Rhode Island: We're Not REALLY An Island

South Carolina: Remember The Civil War? We Didn't Actually Surrender

South Dakota: Closer Than North Dakota

Tennessee: The Educashun State

Texas: Si' Hablo Ing'les

Utah: Our Jesus Is Better Than Your Jesus

Vermont: Yep

Virginia: Who Says Government Stiffs And Slackjaw Yokels Don't Mix?

Washington: Help! We're Overrun By Nerds And Slackers!

Washington, D.C.: Wanna Be Mayor?

West Virginia: One Big Happy Family... Really!

Wisconsin: Come Cut The Cheese

Wyoming: Where Men Are Men... and the sheep are scared

Golf holes...

nanakeser — Thu, 12 Nov 2009 16:38:21 GMT

A man, while playing on the front nine of a complicated golf course became confused as to where he was on the course.

Looking around, he saw a lady playing ahead of him.

He walked up to her, explained his confusion and asked her if she knew what hole he was playing.

'I'm on the 7th hole,' she replied, 'and you are a hole behind me. So you must be on the 6th hole.'

He thanked her and went back to his golf.

On the back nine, the same thing happened and he approached her again with the same request.

'I'm on number 14, and you're still a hole behind, so you must be on the 13th hole.'

Once again he thanked her and returned to his play.

He finished his round and went to the clubhouse where he saw the same lady sitting at the end of the bar.

He asked the bartender if he knew the lady.

The bartender said that she was a sales lady and played the course often.

He approached her and said, 'Let me buy you a drink in appreciation for your help. I understand that you're in the sales profession. I'm in sales also. What do you sell?'

'I'll tell you, but you're going to laugh,' she replied.

'No, I won't.'

'Well, if you must know,' she answered, 'I work for Tampax.'

With that, he laughed so hard he lost his balance and fell off the bar stool.

'See,' she said. 'I knew you'd laugh!'

'That's not what I'm laughing at,' he replied, 'I'm a salesman for Preparation H, so I'm still a hole behind you.'

Friday the 13th

nanakeser — Fri, 13 Nov 2009 17:09:12 GMT

A man bought a new Mercedes to celebrate his wife leaving him and was out on the interstate for a nice evening drive.

The top was down, the breeze was blowing through what was left of his hair and he decided to open her up. As the needle jumped up to 80 mph, he suddenly saw flashing red and blue lights behind him.

"There's no way they can catch a Mercedes," he thought to himself and opened her up further. The needle hit 90, 100.....Then the reality of the situation hit him. "What am I doing?" he thought and pulled over.

The cop came up to him, took his license without a word and examined it and the car.

"It's been a long hard day, this is the end of my shift and it's Friday the 13th. I don't feel like more paperwork, I don't need the frustration or the overtime, so if you can give me a really good excuse for your driving that I haven't heard before, you can go."

The guy thinks about it for a second and says, "Last week my nagging wife ran off with a cop. I was afraid you were trying to give her back!"

"Have a nice weekend," said the officer.

A message from a divorced man to a single young man

J828 — Sat, 14 Nov 2009 19:06:55 GMT

Marry your trophy wife first. She'll be everything you want and more. Divorce her later and marry someone stable. Otherwise, you end up marrying her second and you have half of what you would have had if you married the trophy one first!

Jesus was a woman

nanakeser — Sun, 15 Nov 2009 16:45:53 GMT

There were 3 good arguments that Jesus was Black:

1.. He called everyone brother 2.. He liked Gospel

3.. He didn't get a fair trial

But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was Jewish:

1.. He went into His Father's business 2.. He lived at home until he was 33

3.. He was sure his Mother was a virgin and his Mother was sure He was God

But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was Italian:

1.. He talked with His hands

2.. He had wine with His meals

3.. He used olive oil

But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was a Californian:

1.. He never cut His hair

2.. He walked around barefoot all the time

3.. He started a new religion

But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was an American Indian:

1.. He was at peace with nature2.. He ate a lot of fish

3. He talked about the Great Spirit

But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was Irish:

1.. He never got married.

2.. He was always telling stories.

3.. He loved green pastures.

But the most compelling evidence of all - 3 proofs that Jesus was a woman:

1.. He fed a crowd at a moment's notice when there was virtually no food.

2.. He kept trying to get a message across to a bunch of men who just didn't get it.

3.. And even when He was dead, He had to get up because there was still work to do!

Can I get an AMEN!!