Found some Jokes

Last post 03-25-2008 11:01 PM by ACheshireCat. 24 replies.
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  • 03-25-2008 10:35 PM In reply to

    Found some Jokes, another catigory, offensive, not PC jokes

    Q. What's the Cuban National Anthem?
    A. Row, Row, Row Your Boat

    Q. Where does an Irish family go on vacation?
    A. A different bar

    Q. What did the Chinese couple name their retarded baby?
    A. Sum Ting Wong

    Q. What do you call it when an Italian has one arm shorter than the other?
    A. A speech impediment

    Q. What does it mean when the Post Office's flag is flying at half-mast?
    A. They're hiring

    Q. Why aren't there any Puerto Ricans on Star Trek?
    A. Because they're not going to work in the future either.

    Q. What do you call a Mississippi farmer with a sheep under each arm?
    A. A pimp.

    Q. Why do Driver Education classes in redneck schools use the car only on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays?
    A. Because on Tuesday and Thursday, the Sex Ed class uses it.

    Q. What's the difference between a Southern zoo and a Northern zoo?
    A. The Southern zoo has a description of the animal on the front of the cage along with a recipe.

    Q. How do you get a sweet little 80-year-old lady to say the "F" word?
    A. Get another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell "BINGO!"

    Q. What's the difference between a Northern fairytale and a Southern fairytale???
    A. A Northern fairytale begins, "Once upon a time..." A Southern fairytale begins, "Y'all ain't gonna believe this ***."

    Q. Why doesn't Mexico have an Olympic team?
    A. Because all the Mexicans who can run, jump or swim are already in the United States.

  • 03-25-2008 10:40 PM In reply to

    Re: Found some Jokes, another catigory, offensive, not PC jokes

    Still trying to remember if most of these were already posted or not. Since I found it as a list, there may be other lists overlaping 'jokes'

  • 03-25-2008 10:50 PM In reply to

    Re: Found some Jokes, a different kind of blonde joke

    One day an Irishman who had been stranded on a deserted island for over 10 years, saw a speck on the horizon. He thought to himself, 'It's certainly not a ship.' And, as the speck got closer and closer, he began to rule out the possibilities of a small boat or even a raft.

    Suddenly there emerged from the surf a wet-suited black clad figure. Putting aside the scuba gear and the top of the wet suit, there stood a drop-dead gorgeous blonde!

    The glamorous blonde strode up to the stunned Irishman and said to him, 'Tell me, how long has it been since you've had a cigarette?'

    'Ten years,' replied the amazed Irishman. With that, she reached over and unzipped a waterproofed pocket on the left sleeve of her wet suit, and pulled out a fresh pack of cigarettes. He takes one, lights it, and takes a long drag. 'Faith and begorra,'said the man, 'that is so good I'd almost forgotten how great a smoke can be!'

    'And how long has it been since you'! ve had a drop of good Irish whiskey' asked the blonde

    Trembling, the castaway replied, 'Ten years.' Hearing that, the blonde reaches over to her right sleeve unzips a pocket there and removes a flask and hands it to him. He opened the flask and took a long drink.

    'Tis nectar of the gods!' stated the Irishman. 'Tis truly fantastic!'

    At this point the gorgeous blonde started to slowly unzip the long front of her wet suit, right down the middle.. She looked at the trembling man and asked, 'And how long has it been since you played around?'

    With tears in his eyes, the Irishman fell to his knees and sobbed:

    ' Don't tell me you've got golf clubs in there too!'

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  • 03-25-2008 10:54 PM In reply to

    Re: Found some Jokes

    A blonde, wanting to earn some extra money decided to hire herself out as a handywoman' and started canvassing the neighborhoods.
    She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any odd jobs for her to do.
    'Well, I guess I could use somebody to paint my porch,' he said. 'How much will you charge me?'
    The blonde quickly responded, 'How about $50?'
    The man agreed and told her that the paint and everything she would need was in the garage.
    The man's wife, hearing the conversation, said to her husband, 'Does she realize that our porch goes all the way around the house?'
    He responded, 'That's a bit cynical, isn't it?'
    The wife replied, 'You're right. I guess I'm starting to believe all those dumb blonde jokes.'
    A short time later, the blonde handywoman came to the door to collect her money. 'You finished already?' the husband asked.
    'Yes,' the blonde replied, 'and I had paint leftover, so I gave it two coats - no extra charge.'
    Impressed, the man reached into his pocket for the $50 and handed it to her.
    And by the way,' the blonde added ... 'it's not a Porch -- it's a Lexus

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  • 03-25-2008 11:01 PM In reply to

    Re: Found some Jokes, trying to share some good ones I have seen.

    A man was in his front yard mowing grass when his attractive blonde female neighbor came out of the house and went straight to the mailbox.

    She opened it then slammed it shut and stormed back in the house.

    A little later she came out of her house again went to the mail box and again, opened it, slammed it shut again. Angrily, back into the house she went.

    As the man was getting ready to edge the lawn, here she came out again, marched to the mail box, opened it and then slammed it closed harder than ever.

    Puzzled by her actions the man asked her, "Is something wrong?"

    To which she replied, "There certainly is!"

    My stupid computer keeps saying, "YOU'VE GOT MAIL!"

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