I guess not a joke, but a stock market poem?

Helium was up, feathers were down. Paper was stationary.
Fluorescent tubing was dimmed in light trading.
Knives were up sharply.
Cows steered into a bull market.
Pencils lost a few points.
Hiking equipment was trailing.
Elevators rose, while escalators continued their slow decline.
Weights were up in heavy trading.
Light switches were off.
Mining equipment hit rock bottom.
Diapers remain unchanged.
Shipping lines stayed at an even keel.
The market for raisins dried up.
Coca Cola fizzled.
Caterpillar stock inched up a bit.
Sun peaked at midday.
Balloon prices were inflated.
Scott Tissue touched a new bottom.
And batteries exploded in an attempt to recharge the market.

The market may be bad, but I slept like a baby last night. I woke up every hour and cried.

My broker and I are working on a retirement plan. Unfortunately, it's his!

A long term investment is a short term investment that failed.

A stockbroker is someone who invests your money till it's all gone!

Thanks for the chuckle. The only stock market joke I can think of is:

What kind of stock does a coward invest in?

Chicken stock

(ok it's bad but it's something)